So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
