i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
