she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
