Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
