I hope mine doesn't look like that
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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