The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
