why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
