Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Just cropdusted the office
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
