Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
