did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
