4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
