so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Randomize
