My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
