Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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