3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
