I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Randomize
