your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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