i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
