He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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