i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
