i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
