Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
