I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
