MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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