we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
