i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
