Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
it's like iHOP with fire
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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