I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Found your dick twin last night
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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