It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
