i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
