U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
