Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
