She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
