thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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