if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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