Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
