I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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