hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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