return my video game
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
