His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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