Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
