No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
