did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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