Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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