I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
my being single is dangerous.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
