you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
How naked do you want me to be?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
