drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
