I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
