It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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