Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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